minnesota nice FROM HELL

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

I can't really talk too mcuh right now, i just hope everyone is safe and managed to get their families somewhere okay and maybe you stil have the internet. im about to get my wife and animals and head out we're going to try to get somewehre isolated where the walking dead won't find us. i don't know if there will be anyhwereh left though. everyone who dies comes back as one of them and THEY are killign so many. its brutal. the television si dead. i supoose the internet will be soon too.i hope youre all okay. i hope you are able to fashion crude weapons and if your hand turns into a demon chop it off but replace it with a chainsaw that will help.
okay i have to go we are heading for the hills. i hope i can figure out how to work this shotgun. bye friends.


(this was the post that I put on BBT. It, at least, is recognizably a joke and not me having some sort of angst-ridden natural disaster. Sigh.)


I don’t know if anyone out there is reading this. I don’t know if there’s anyone out there to read it. God almighty, I dont’ know what’s happening. This is terrible. this is terrifying. I don’t want to die. If you’re reading this, you know what’s happened, you know that the dead have risen up, the DEAD HAVE RISEN UP, and they are walking the earth.

I don’t know what to do. Is it safe here? My apartment is on the third floor of the building, am I safe? Will the zombies figure out how to get in, and if they do, will they figure out how to get up here? My door is thick and dead-bolted, does that protect me? God, I don’t know. I don’t know how smart they are, but I’m terrified. I have no weapons. I have a knife in a drawer, a big one, and I own a copy of Gigli, but is that enough? I DON’T KNOW.

I tried turning on the news, or something on the TV, but there’s nothing. Just dead channels and camera shots of empty studios and screams in the background. Nothing I can use. I tried the radio, I found one in my apartment, but it’s all dead air and static. There was one station that had something, but it had a scared woman who was crying and who was reading the Psalms, over and over and over again out loud. She walked in the dark places, and the Lord was with her.

Christ, I don’t know if he’s with me, or any of us right now. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? I saw, out the window, the undead attack a man out in the street, down the road from my building. They just FELL on him and he screamed so damn loud, it made my legs shake and there was a crunch…I heard it from here…and the screaming stopped. I swear to god, he’s with them now.

They’re shambling closer to my building. Oh god. They’re swarming through the parking lot now. Two of them are sloshing through the fountain up front. They’re bouncing between cars. They’re not coming into the building.

THey’re clustering beneath MY WINDOW. Oh my god. I went and looked down over the balcony and there’s gotta be thirty of them, THIRTY OF THEM, all gathered on the ground floor, staring up at me and my balcony, those that have eyes. THey are clawing at the walls with arms and pieces of hands. The ones with flesh make a dull slapping noise. The ones with nails, or bones, just screech and scrape against the siding. They all smell. Some of them like old dirt, some of them like mildew and mold, and some of them still have that sharp, sweet smell of death, that smell of corn syrup and salt. I almost threw up. Oh god oh god oh god WHAT DO THEY WANT?

It looks like they have something in their…hands…hang on. I’m going to go look.

I can’t see so well, but it looks like they are all holding a few papers, each one’s got some papers in one hand that they’re waving at me.

Hang on, someone let go and his papers flew upward. I’m going to try and snag one….

Oh my god. Oh Jesus. OH GOD.

The paper has a name and an address printed neatly in the top left corner. Then, it has a title followed by an approximate word count centered and the spaced down two spaces, the story starts in Courier New, double-spaced between lines.

How did they find me? Oh my god. Oh pray for me, if you’re out there. But what does it matter? We’re all DOOMED…

3 Angst(s):

TJWriter said...


Thanks for that!

Pete said...

WE blogged all over the internet about the coming of the Zombies, and we had a whole bunch of posts on BBT about it. I figured, well hell, why not do one more. Unfortunately, I was out of funny material. It would've been cooler if I'd, you know, TOLD you people about the zombie thing days ago.


Rllgthunder said...

I thought you were having a terrible storm. Bastard. I was worried about you.